“Tap, Tap, Tap…Is This Thing On?”

Every day, I look at my laptop and think, “I need to write on my blog”, and every day, I change my mind.

It’s not that I have nothing to say…I have plenty. I just am past the point of assuming that anybody gives a rip.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t do this for anybody but myself. I love to write, so I do. However, it’s hard to know what people want to read about. So that means that ultimately, I’m not doing this for me, but for others, and then I get frustrated and the words stop.

I hate it when the words stop. I like the words. Which is why I just wrote two sentences that Paisley, the two year old, could have come up with.

It’s a conundrum. Ahhhh, that’s better.

So let’s do a list and purge the brain, then maybe, after a little bit of prayer, I’ll get back into the swing of wordiness where I love to be.

1. My Mamaw is in the hospital and has been for a month. I will write more about this later, she deserves much more than a numbered line on a list. Just please know that my heart is with her these days.

2. Aidan has started Upward Basketball. This is the only sport I really know anything about, so I’ve actually been in the driveway with him these past few weeks doing dribbling and passing drills. We got a goal and I taught him how to play “Horse”, which quickly became “Pig” because I didn’t have all weekend to play one game.

3. Molly is doing great in tumbling. She turned 5 and I can actually tell a difference in her reasoning skills. She is obsessed with board games, and won’t play with a doll to save her life. Well, if Paisley wants her to play with dolls, she will, but it’s certainly not her first choice.

4. Paisley is getting more violent by the day. She learned to pinch (What on EARTH?) and uses this skill on her brother often. I understand she’s just fighting for her right to be heard and understood, but seriously, we’re all sporting bruises. She’s a really cute bully.

5. Michael and I went to the Egg Bowl this weekend. We had a blast.

6. I finally, for the first time ever, made some really pretty Christmas decorations. I’m pretty proud of them. I actually spent time on my piano, my mantle and the tree this year. Pictures will be coming soon.

7. I do not care why Tiger Woods was in a car wreck in the middle of the night. He wouldn’t care if I was in a wreck during the night, so why should I care that he was?

8. I’m so tired right now.

9. The drive back and forth to Madison a million times in a week is wearing us all pretty thin. Plus, it’s killing our food budget because there is no time to eat at home. Not good for the budget or the belly. The house NEEDS to SELL. That’s all I want for Christmas. A contract.

10. I got to sing my favorite Christmas song in church Sunday. My brother sang with me. The band sounded awesome. Is it obnoxious and ridiculous for me to say that I really, truly love singing? That’s not an arrogant statement in the least, I just really love singing songs and I hope more than anything that God uses me to lead others to worship. It’s the thing that brings me the greatest joy, outside of my family. Surely there’s nothing obnoxious about that.

I know this was a pitiful post. I’m aware that I’ve been off of my game. But between family issues, the flu, and all of our commitments, there hasn’t been a whole lot of time that hasn’t been claimed by someone else. You all know what that’s like.

So here’s to a busy week, and the start of a  busy month. I looked at my calendar today, and by the 20th, I don’t think I have anything to do.

Except celebrate Christmas, and the birth of the reason I do anything at all. If my life doesn’t reflect my love for Jesus, then all the activity is for nothing. It’s just stuff to do. I want it to count. I want people to see that any effort I make to do anything is because of my love for the Lord.

Even coming up with the words.

We Will Call the Germs “Legion”, for They Have Been Many.

We’re getting over the swine flu. All five of us.

I keep thinking about this verse: When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned.

I think we’ve drowned our demons, and the pigs with them.

We had a good weekend. Molly’s party was a success, although we were exhausted. But Sunday, the germs took Michael and pulled him under. Then he took me with him during the night Sunday.

To quote from a song in Annie, “Yesterday was plain awful!”

The kids were pretty much over it by Friday of last week, but joined us in the pitiful yesterday by helping us lie around and watch television.

We do lazy WELL.

So now we’re venturing into the land of the living, after lots of laundry and Lysol. Aidan gets to go bowling, and the girls and I will find something to do.

So if I’ve been rude to anyone, or stared off into space while you spoke to me, or seemed just grouchy, please know that I felt terrible and we are moving past it to a season of thankfulness.

I, for one, have a lot for which to be grateful. Right now, I’m grateful for makeup that will cover the pasty whiteness of my post-illness face. Time to go paint up.

Happy Turkey Day!

Good Golly, Miss Molly!

She’s five.

Let me let that sink in. Again.

It’s actually not that hard to believe, since she has done her best since birth to keep up with her brother. It has been like having twins for years now.

But she’s still my little Molly, who is quickly becoming my big girl.

She’s down for the count with the flu this week and I feel so badly for her. It’s hard to watch her with fever. She’s been pitiful for two days. She and Aidan are both sick and spend most of the day in blankets on the couch, staring into space. It has never been this quiet around here.

She’ll get well soon, and be back to her sweet, funny, creative self again.

I truly cannot imagine our world without her. She lets us know that she loves us constantly. We cannot walk away from her without a hug and a big kiss on the cheek. She tells me every day she wants to be like me. That frightens me to no end, but I’ll accept the challenge.

She loves clothes, and music, and dancing. She has almost perfected her cartwheel and can read chapter books. She wants to know what the Bible says about things she has questions about, and she has a MILLION questions. She’s eternally curious and likes to figure things out.

I am so proud of her.

Here she is at a few months old. Those eyes took it all in, and thus began the “Molly Inquisition”, which is what we call her constant barrage of questions.

This is the most recent picture I have of her on the computer. This was at Halloween, and she was Tinkerbell. Paisley took the picture, and for a two year old, did pretty well!

Yes, Molly, it is ALL about you this week. You and your curly hair, and big green eyes, and round cheeks. You and your neverending thoughts and questions. You and your desire to make us happy. You and your love for Aidan and Paisley. You and your prayers, and your faith that God made and loves you, and has a big plan for your life. I’m so thankful that you believe that and that you tell others that. I pray that as you grow older, you will truly grow in Godly wisdom and assurance that Jesus is everything he says he is, and everything that we need.

I love this girl.

I Will Not Turn to the Dark Side

All day I’ve been dealing with being mad.

I keep replaying that scene in my head from Return of the Jedi, where Luke and Darth Vader are fighting and the Emporer is standing there, with his wrinkly raisin face saying, “Give in to your anger. Turn to the dark side.”

So far, I’m okay, I haven’t used my powers for evil.

I am the queen of keeping things in perspective. I always feel guilty for getting my mad on, because I can look at everything I’m mad about and say, “Well, at least I’m not dealing with _____”.

Then, I end up being mad at feeling guilty because I just want to feel sorry for myself for just a minute and feel like what I’m dealing with has some validity, even though I know others have it worse.

It’s vicious.

So today, since I think in lists, here’s my list o’ mad: (which doesn’t give off a very “mad” effect when you put an o’ in it.)

1. I’m mad that Michael has traveled a lot lately.
2. I’m mad that Molly is sick on her birthday, and this should be a birthday post about the most beautiful, sweet, precious child of mine who is 5 today, but instead, I’m mad.
3. I’m mad that I have to miss choir practice, then race to get to Praise Team practice. I need the choir practice tonight. The Christmas program is coming quickly!
4. I’m mad that I’m having to postpone Molly’s birthday celebration.
5. I’m mad that Michael and I are so busy and dealing with so much that we haven’t had fun in a really long time.
6. I’m mad that it’s so hard to find someone to help me out with babysitting during the week. There are times when I can’t take my kids to where I’m going, so I don’t go.
7. I’m mad, really, really mad that Paisley will not leave me alone for one minute, and when she does, she spills something.

See, it’s all stupid, trivial stuff. There’s more, but I know my limits.

So the Bible says to “be angry, but do not sin”, so my prayer is that I can keep my temper under control and not snap at all of the precious people in my world that don’t deserve it.

And I’m sure that by the end of the day, after I’ve spent time singing at Praise Team practice and get home and maybe watch our favorite stand up comics (CLEAN comedy, let me clarify) I will have forgotten about the mad and will be back to my happy self.

If not, I’ll give the Emperor a run for his money.

(and a post about my favorite birthday girl of the day is coming soon, I promise!)

My Opinion, and I’ll Be Swift About It.

I really don’t mean for this to be an annual thing. I know I wrote about the CMAs last year, and I really didn’t want to go there this year. I just wanted to watch the show and enjoy all of the performances and make snide comments to Michael about who I thought should have won.

However, I’ve thought about this all day long. I’m embarrassed to think about what that says about me, but I’m committed to writing about what’s in my head, and this is all that’s in there right now.

I’ll start at the beginning, a very good place to start. Taylor Swift’s opening number just did not do anything for me. Why was she writhing? Why were there words screaming at me on the screen? Why all the angst?

Not to mention the pitch issues.

I’m a Taylor fan. I admire the socks off of anybody that can do what she has done at her age. She’s a talented songwriter and guitar-picker. She’s sweet and funny in interviews. She knows her audience and plays to them. Her voice, on the radio, sounds fine. But I was just not a big fan of Taylor Live.

So let’s just stay here on this topic. I’m not recapping the whole show, you saw it. But it will make me feel better to weigh in on the whole Entertainer of the Year award.

She has worked hard. She has sold a ton of albums. She sells tickets as fast as they’re printed. But she hasn’t been headlining a tour for years like the other four nominees have. She deserved to be nominated. She has worked hard and deserves awards. I agree with the album of the year award (although Brad’s album is the best I’ve heard) and even video of the year.

Female Vocalist should really go to someone who has proven themselves as a singer, not just a seller. I remember when everyone got mad when Carrie Underwood beat Faith Hill for that award. Yeah, she was young and new, but she can flat out sing. Nobody could or would question her ability.

Back to the subject of Entertainer of the Year: I think she belonged in the nominations. But I believe that they should have made her wait. Everyone says that it’s an honor to be nominated, so let her have that honor, along with the other awards she will win. But she needs to be a headliner for a few more years and mature as a singer and a performer before she is considered the best entertainer in country music.

The other nominees were Kenny Chesney, who has won it the four previous years. He has a huge tour every summer and sells out stadiums. Brad Paisley, who has the best live show I’ve ever seen and has proven himself as a master guitarist and songwriter. He also draws the animation and designs all of the video at his show. Keith Urban, who I don’t know enough about to have an opinion, but he is an incredible musician and I think his tour does really well. Finally, King George, who has been singing country music so long and so well that he could teach a master class.

Obviously, my vote would go to Brad. I think he deserves it, and his live show proves that he’s an entertainer.

So I wonder now that Taylor has won, is the door going to be open for anyone else next year? Or will she just keep winning and winning and nobody else will get a turn because the CMA is dazzled by the popularity factor? Again, I’m not hating on Taylor, I just think the biggest jewel in the country music crown should have a little bit more experience behind her.

And this was not swift at all. My apologies. I could write another whole post about Carrie Underwood and her many outfits, but I’ve done enough blathering for now.

Blatherer of the Year award? Yep, that one’s mine.

Ten Months

Our house has been for sale ten months.

Every single day I think about it. Every single time the phone rings, I hope it’s a realtor. Every single day I clean house, hoping for someone to come and want to live here.

We’ve had a good life in this house, but living here is not a good situation for our family anymore. Every day it seems like we add another reason to the list of why we need to move.

Just a few:
1. School. While homeschooling is great, and it is such a wonderful thing for so many families, it’s not the best thing for us right now. We don’t have a permanent spot in the house to set up school, and when Paisley is home we can’t work. When the realtor calls and wants to show the house, we have to shut down school. The inconsistency is killing us, and my son deserves better than that.
2. The Drive. We live 20 minutes away from everything we do. We are so involved in our church, and are usually making a trip to Madison once or twice a day. This has resulted in our kids being in the car for a lot more time than I believe is healthy for young kids.
3. Neighbors. We have none. We want some.
4. Space. Our kids have outgrown their living space. The girls share a room upstairs and a very small closet. It’s almost impossible to get their clothes in there. They need their own space, and we need more furniture, which I don’t want to buy before we move.  So it’s getting a bit cluttered in their space, so they drag their stuff into our space. We all share the downstairs bathroom, which is small, so you can imagine how that goes every morning and bedtime!
5. Garage. We have a carport. It’s really cute, and we keep it very clean. But with all the bikes and riding toys we have, we need a spot for them to stay dry and clean.
6. Friends. I want to have people over all the time. I want to be centrally located where folks can stop by. I want to cook Sunday dinner for the people I love.
7. Witness. I want my Sunday School girls to come over whenever they want to. I want to be closer to them so I can be involved in their lives. I want my kids friends to come to our house and know that it is a safe, happy place where nobody will be made fun of or hurt.

I could go on and on, but this is sounding like a pity party.

I know that, compared to so many that are struggling with terrible issues right now, this doesn’t seem like a big deal. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am! I have a terrific husband and a strong, healthy marriage. I am healthy and God is using me and working in my life. I have three bright, happy, creative children that are exactly what I hoped for.

I shouldn’t want more than that.

But I do. I am tired of being tired from the long drive. I’m tired of the screaming in the car. I’m tired of having to leave really early and get home late. I’m tired of being late to doctor appointments because the highway traffic is so slow. I’m tired of feeling isolated and alone out here. I’m so tired of feeling inadequate and stupid because I am still adjusting to homeschool.

I’ve struggled with my faith on this issue. I have been through a lot in my life, but I have never questioned whether God could do something. And I still don’t question the fact. I know who he is, and that he is in control. I just wonder why it seems like he has forgotten about us. But at the same time, I know he hasn’t. I have so much information about God. I’ve studied, I’ve learned, I know the truth. But right now, I don’t feel.

And that’s okay, because you can’t trust feelings anyway. Feelings come and go and change like the wind. Regardless of how I feel, I will worship him because he’s God. He saved me. Because of him, I have joy and peace and eternal life. I’m not under condemnation or dealing with guilt and shame.

I’m free.

Which means I am free from worry that he’s got our situation covered. I need to get to the place where I can reconcile my feelings about that. I’m not there yet. But I know God can get me there.

Even if it takes ten months.

 

So…

The advance tickets went on sale today. I figured since I bought the club membership, I had to go on and buy the tickets.

So I pay for the tickets and THEY DON’T TELL YOU WHERE THEY ARE!

I have to wait until February to find out how good my seats are. I don’t really mind, because buying the VIP seats early is a lot less stressful than playing the Ticketmaster game when they go on sale, but the suspense will be awful.

All this so I can hear him sing “Then”. And possibly catch a guitar pick.

The In-Flight Wifi is to Blame

Michael is flying home right now.

He lost his Blackberry last weekend and we have been disconnected without it, obviously. I was really worried about this trip. I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to communicate at all.

But no! He was able to use his computer on the plane!

You see, I travel so little that I had no idea you could get internet while in flight. It makes sense, though. You’re closer to the satellites than we are down here…right?

So we have emailed back and forth while he flies the friendly skies and have discussed all manner of important topics, the most crucial of which is the fact that Brad Paisley is coming to the coast pretty soon.

My birthday is in January. This would be 2 years in a row of seeing him for my birthday. I cannot, in good conscience, pass this opportunity by. We MUST keep the tradition!!!

So, I’m perusing the Brad Paisley site, looking for information, and realized that if I join the fan club, there might be a possibility for advance tickets.

I have always said I would NEVER join a fan club. I will NOT be a groupie. I will NEVER pay money to be a part of group that writes on message boards how much they love this song or that song.

I joined the fan club.

It wasn’t much money at all, so that’s not the issue. I just feel like I sold out and became one of those women who wear Rebel flag tshirts and tight jeans and go line dancing. (Do people still line dance? I have no idea. Which is why I’m too old to be joining a fan club.)

I just wanted the chance at advance tickets. That’s all, I promise. I will not be posting pictures of me wearing a lampshade on my head. (Thankfully, nobody does that at his current shows, that was so 2 years ago.)

Last year, we got awesome seats 2 weeks before the concert in New Orleans. I have no idea how that happened, I just walked by my computer one afternoon, checked Ticketmaster, and there they were on the 16th row. I grabbed my card and purchased them, and made plans for one of the most fun 4 hours I’ve ever had in my whole entire life.

So can I do it again, now that I’m a member of the club? There was a disclaimer that said sometimes concerts don’t do the advance tickets. I may have joined for nothing, because I’m not going to drive more than 3 hours, or get on a plane to go see anybody. I have 3 kids that need me and I don’t want them going to church saying, “my mama flew to Phoenix to go see Brad Paisley because she’s in the fan club!”

I would die of embarrassment.

So I choose to tell the internet. Because that’s so much smarter.

I’m telling you, that in-flight email discussion with my generous, loving husband who encouraged me to join apparently sucked the common sense out of my brain.

But if I’m on the front row, come February, I’m the smartest girl in the world.

 

When All Else Fails…

Curl up on your bed and write.

That will be my new mantra. If I actually thought a mantra was something I needed. I don’t need a mantra, because then I’m stuck with using one particular saying and just in case you haven’t noticed, I change my mind a lot.

I am starting a new week, and it is not looking promising at this point, but you can bet your bottom dollar it will be better than last week.

Last week may go down as the medal winner for stinkiest, most horrendous weeks ever.

But I believe all statements like that are relative. I mean, I’m sure there was a finals week while in college when I thought it was the worst week ever, and it probably was during that time of my life. Then there were weeks of breakups in high school or college that were the worst week ever at that time. Then there was friend drama, which always made it the worst week ever. Then there was the first trimester, which was 12 worst weeks ever, 3 different times!

So it’s all relative. I realize that.

So…last week was a whopper. But now it’s Sunday, and we get to start over.

I experienced some heartbreak this weekend. I heard a new song on the radio, by Britney Spears. I did not choose the station, I was in an eating establishment. The song came on, and I had read a little bit about it here and there, but had never heard it. I went home and googled the lyrics and my heart broke at the utter and total moral decay in the song’s words.

I don’t like Britney, I never have. But I know that God loves her and that Jesus wants her to know him. That reason alone keeps me from being really, really ugly about her recording a song with such a vile message.

The song is celebrating a perversion of what God has intended for a husband and wife’s physical relationship. In the song, the lyrics claim that it is sin, because it says “Livin’ in sin is the new thing”. So we know the songwriter recognizes that the act being sung about is wrong.

I was sitting with my two sweet daughters in an ice cream shop yesterday and the song came on the radio. I wanted so badly to ask the manger to turn the radio off or down until the song changed. I am ashamed now that I didn’t do it. I know my girls don’t understand, but I don’t want them to even dance to the beat. The beautiful, precious, sweet teenage girls I teach every Sunday knew the song. It breaks my heart that they have become so desensitized to lyrics that praise a lifestyle completely away from God. They don’t agree with the song, they just don’t think anything at all. I wish people could get offended to the point that we would leave stores or restaurants when songs like that are playing. But we don’t. We keep eating or shopping and ignore the tiny little chisels that chip away at our need for purity and make us more and more tolerant of impurity.

I’m not saying we should be self-righteous jerks, heavens no. I just wonder if the days of standing up for what is right are over.

Britney Spears is counting on the latter. She gets the paycheck, no matter the cost to us.

 

Stick In The Mud

Today was a bad day.

I mean, a cry over a big piece of cake and a glass of milk kind of bad day. (Although that sounds like a good day…whatever.)

Anyway, in the midst of the prayer and concern that is a constant for my grandmother, and now my sweet nephew Jack, Paisley got sick. I knew it was the flu, so I took her in to see the pediatrician. Of course, because we homeschool, I had to take all three kids because I have no drop-off options during the day.

The threats to hang them by their toes and pull their eyelashes out if they talked while the doctor was talking worked pretty well.

As we were sitting in the waiting room, my phone rang. Now, I don’t just have a regular ringtone. My tone is Paisley, singing “Jesus Loves Me” at the TOP of her two year old lungs. I think it’s hilarious. People around me apparently do not.

It was my realtor, and any call from her is welcome, day or night. She informed me that someone was coming to see my house in two and a half hours.  I was in Madison, 20 minutes away, waiting to see the doctor. My husband was out of town. Our house was not a pigsty, but it was what I like to call “Dad’s gone, and Mom’s hanging in there” state.

The visit went quickly, Paiz has the swine flu. We’re stocked with Motrin, all is going to be well.

I raced home and pulled into the driveway. We got out of the van and I told the kids, “Do NOT ask me for anything. Your Nonna (my sweet mama) is coming to get you so I can get this house clean in a hurry. Sit in front of the TV and do NOT move until she gets here!”

Aidan looked at me with that skinny face, his big dark eyes amazed. “Mama?” he said. “You’ve NEVER said that to us before!”

“What?” I asked.

“You’ve never told us to go sit in front of the TV. That’s so cool!” He was most impressed.

In the midst of the craziness of today, I think I reached hero status with my little boy. And on a day like this, I’ll take it.