She Speaks. Who Speaks? Me, Speak?

March 21, 2009 at 5:04 am 2 comments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is I want to DO. 

But then I always stop myself and say, “Self, you DO a lot right now. Why would you want to do anything else?” So then I put my thoughts aside and move on to my next chore and responsibility. 

But there’s still something missing. 

I have made it abundantly clear that I love being with my kids. They wear me out, but I can’t imagine letting anyone else spend the majority of the day with them. I know I feel this way because it’s always been this way. I stopped working a month before Aidan was born, and I’ve never gone back. God has just placed it in my heart that it’s just not the right time to go into the “real world”. 

Another factor is my degree. I have an English degree. I loved getting it. After spending multiple semesters trying out 6 other majors, this one worked for me. But as far as the job market goes, there’s just not that much out there for a girl like me. If I was trained to be a nurse, I’d go be a nurse. If I was trained to be a real estate agent, I’d go sell houses. But I’m not trained to be anything other than who I am right now, and that’s a wife and mama. 

I just don’t fit the job description for stay at home mama. I mean, I stay at home, but that drives me nuts. So we go run errands, but then when I get home, I realize that nothing has been done while I’ve been out. Cloning myself isn’t an option, so I’ve come to a level of acceptance that I just won’t have a sparkly palace to call home. I have a nice house that is hygenic and safe. We don’t eat home cooked meals every night. I do the short order cook thing and fix what the folks I love will eat. It’s not the textbook way of doing things, but it’s my way, and I own it. 

But you see, there’s this thing. I love to write. I had no idea how much I liked it, because my last writing experience was in college when I never learned MLA and could never get footnotes exactly right. But nowadays, writing can take on many different forms. Blogging has allowed me to express myself and be who I am through this little wordpress page, and I don’t have to worry about proper format or technique. Now, grammar and spelling rules still apply (I adhere to the spelling, not so much on the grammar and punctuation, sorry). 

Aside from the freedom I find in blogging, I also find it one of the most spiritually therapeutic things I do, both in reading and writing. I wish I had hours upon hours to spend reading the posts of others who are living life to God’s glory. I laugh and cry with people I will probably never meet. I think it’s an awesome, positive way to use the internet to build bridges between people who are willing to put their experiences, both good and bad, out there for others to share with them. I have always been excessively transparent, so writing about my ups and downs comes very natural to me. I always love it when I receive comments affirming that I’m not the only one who struggles. There is a connection between bloggers that is similar to dorm life. You put everything out there, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Those that read are like the friends on your hall that laugh and cry alongside you, and love you despite your many weaknesses. 

So I’ve been praying. I’ve been asking my Father, who I know cares about every little thing, to show me ways that I can use my love for writing to glorify Him and encourage others. I’ve been praying for opportunities to write about things that are on my heart. I pray that maybe those words are being used to make another unconventional stay at home mama feel a little more okay with her world. 

However, I am a dreamer. I am the girl who wrote out acceptance speeches for her Female Vocalist of the Year CMA when I was a teenager. I always want what I have to be more than what it is. I have been praying about making my little blog more than what it is. I think God gives me stuff from time to time to share that may be what others need to hear. I know my kids and their antics make people smile, even if it’s just my mom and dad. But I’d love to learn how to get better at this and take it “to the next level”, whatever that is! 

There is so much I don’t know about blogging. I want to know if it’s worth it to run ads. Can you make money by blogging? I want to know if I need to join a network. What do networks do? I want to know if I should get a wordpress.org site, rather than using the free wordpress.com site. What are the differences and how can I learn the technical ins and outs? So many questions, and not enough time to email the people I know to get answers. 

There is a conference in July called She Speaks. It’s sponsored by Proverbs 31 Ministries. They deal with topics such as blogging, writing, speaking, and so forth. I have heard of it, but today I spent a little time looking over some of the details. I think this might be exactly what I need. A place to go to find answers to my questions and maybe start to realize what God has in store for me through this desire He’s given me. 

I know you’re wondering, “Sooooo, why in the world are you telling us this? Show a picture of Paisley or something to make it worth our while!” 

There’s a scholarship contest going on right now for the conference. I am submitting a post about why I want to go to the conference. If mine gets picked, I will get to go to the conference for free. So pray for me, please. Pray that if this is what I’m supposed to be doing, that God will show me better ways to do it. Please pray that if going to this conference is the right idea for me, then it will happen, contest or not. Thanks, buds. You guys have been so encouraging. 

Father, I’m yours. Thanks for the awesome blessings you’ve entrusted me with. Thanks for giving me the love for my kids and the desire to be with them. Thanks also for giving me the desire to serve you creatively. I pray that you use me, and use the words for you, and you alone. I am a worthless piece of junk without you in my life, and I’m so grateful that I won’t know life without you. Use me, God. Take me wherever you want me to go. I want to be all over your plan for me. -Amen

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One of My Best Dates As Everyone Cries

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Tea With Tiffany  |  March 26, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    I relate to a lot of what you said about blogging and the connection between bloggers. Loved your heart.

    I’m entering the contest too. I know so many who want to go. And I know of so many who already went and loved, loved it.

    May God alone handpick one for this year. And may He make a way for many others to go too.

    Fun to stop by and meet you,

    Tiffany

    Reply
  • 2. Lindsey @ A New Life  |  March 28, 2009 at 10:43 am

    I am a stay at home mom too, and love it, but sometimes feel like I can never live up to that Proverbs 31 woman. I am brought peace in the fact she most likely achieved all that over her lifetime, not in one day!!!

    Praying for your dreams & good luck in the contest!

    Have a blessed and beautiful day!

    Reply

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