Good Therapy

April 4, 2009 at 1:47 am Leave a comment

We walked to the playground at the school tonight. It’s across the street, and my kids love it. The weather is perfect, and the kids needed some fresh air. 

We had not been there 15 minutes when Molly said she had to go to the bathroom. This happens to one of the kids EVERY time we go to the playground. 

I walked her home and let her go, and checked my email and my other internet social media stuff. Turns out, I didn’t win that scholarship to the She Speaks conference. 

That’s so okay. I never thought for a minute I would win. I just thought that I’d enter because hey, I’m writing here anyway, and it can’t hurt. I’m not one to get worked up over stuff like that. 

But can I be honest and say I’m a little disappointed? 

Not because they didn’t pick my post, that would be competitive and silly. But because now I don’t get to go. I really thought I could learn a lot to make this site better for you to read. Now I’ll have to learn the hard way: trial and error. Yuck. 

I’ve said before that the emotion I hate the most is disappointment. When I feel disappointed, I start to think things about myself that are pretty negative. I tell myself that I’m just not one of the cool girls who gets picked for stuff like that. Or that I’m really a rotten writer and people are just being nice when they read. Or I’m not the Women’s Ministry type, and my testimony is not valid because I’ve never been through a really tough time in my life. There’s no way God could use this silly little site anyway, and my pride is what wants it to be more than what it is, and so it will never be anything. 

Yeah, I’ve believed all those things at some point. 

It’s enough to make a girl shut down her Macbook for good. 

Then we went back to the the playground. I spotted Paiz on the slide. She slid on her back, bottom, tummy and legs. She was doing all kinds of stunts, it made me smile. 

Then I seesawed with Molly. She laughed because my feet never left the ground. She made jokes about how heavy I am. It made me laugh. 

I raced with Aidan. I watched them climb on the jungle gym. I watched them play tictactoe with Michael, then run and slide and chase and giggle. It made me feel great. 

But then my favorite part, absolute favorite part of all, was the swings. The swingset had 4 swings. Aidan, Molly, Paisley and I got in them. Michael pushed the girls to get them going, but then we had a “who is the highest?” contest. I won, over and over again. But Aidan would catch me and we laughed and laughed until I thought we’d fall out of the swing. 

I love the feeling of my stomach dropping. I love the wind rushing by, just cool enough to energize the kids and give them the boost they needed. I love the laughter, the wild, crazy laughter that only comes from the ability to let go and enjoy. I could see the rooftop. I could feel my muscles moving and my heart beating. I felt 6 years old, and so completely alive. 

Did you read my last post? I was a grumpy grouch about the house, my feet, being tired, blah blah blah. 

I came home better than I went. 

I’ll learn what I need to know. I’ll figure it out. I write because I love the Lord and hope that maybe he is pleased with what I say. I love telling what he’s doing in my life. And even if it’s only valuable to me, it’s valuable, because it is a direct reflection of my relationship with him. That’s enough. 

And when in doubt, go get on the swings.

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I’m Not Cut Out For This A Little “Me” Time

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Welcome! Hope you enjoy the blog. I know nothing about the internet, except that I like it a lot. So there's nothing fancy on here, just thoughts and pictures. It's the simple things, right?
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