Out With The Old…

January 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm Leave a comment

December was one of the hardest months I’ve ever lived through. Saying goodbye to my Mamaw, breaking my foot, a million and a half church activities, Christmas shopping while not being able to drive for three weeks, dealing with anger, frustration, and grief about things that I had no control over…it all took a major toll on my body and heart.

But there was also joy. Joy that came in moments of brightness that was so strong that it was overpowering. That kind of joy that knocks your socks off. My kids faces on Christmas morning. Singing to my Mamaw in the hospital room with my mom, brother and aunt. Having my first two non-church singing engagements and getting to work on music day and night for weeks. Seeing my Mamaw honored by well over a thousand people who came to show their love. Experiencing the body of Christ through my Sunday School class who brought me dinner for two weeks because I couldn’t walk or drive. Playing video games on a big screen at my brothers’ house while kids ran around to celebrate the New Year. Enrolling Aidan in a great school to finish out the first grade.

There was so much joy.

It was all so much to participate in and process that I had to take a break from writing about it. I had pockets of time where I could have, but to put all of that in words would have been impossible in the moment.

I try hard to live in such a way that every thing that happens is a big deal. Living like this makes for a great life, and awesome experiences, but it’s exhausting. I’m not good at just watching things happen, I want to be in the middle of the happening. That means I have to go through a “let down” after every big event in my life. I feel like I’ve been in the let down for a week or so now.

So, I’m taking it easy today. We have a Saturday with almost no plans, just a wedding to attend this evening. I’m going to clean house, play with my kids and try to stay warm. My 34th year begins on Monday, so I guess I’d better gear up for that. This year has been amazing and wonderful. I went back and read my blog posts from this year. God taught me so much. My kids grew so much. My friends and family grew to mean so much. I wish I could express half of the gratitude that I feel, but even that is too much to put into words.

So…here’s to January, and all of it’s new beginnings. May we all know and love Christ more completely, and love each other more honestly.

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