With the Thoughts I’d Be Thinkin’, I Could Be Another Lincoln…

August 4, 2011 at 3:18 am 1 comment

…If I only had a brain.
I’m singing the Scarecrow’s song from “The Wizard of Oz” because it’s almost 9:00pm and still ninety-five degrees.

I took the summer off from the blog. I didn’t mean to. I actually wrote quite a few posts, but I’ve become increasingly aware of how public the internet is, and I wasn’t sure I wanted my thoughts “out there”. I don’t want my blog to be private though, because I’ve actually had some cool opportunities come from this tiny slice of the internet. So I heavily censored myself and by the first of July, I realized that I just wasn’t going to post. Then I relaxed and enjoyed the rest of our summer vacation.

So here I am, one week before school starts, trying to sort through all of the things I’ve wanted to write about. One of my favorite bloggers, Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like, stresses the importance of blogging every day and having something to say. That sounds great, in a perfect world. But he gets paid to write and blog, and he’s funny. I don’t have either of those going for me. But I do have a lot to write about, and I think it’s time to do it. I’m telling myself now to get on with it.

Last week was one of the strangest weeks of my life. Here’s the background: I have mentioned that I was looking for a job. I found a great one. This job was so custom-made for me, I was one hundred percent positive it was from God. I bought “office” clothes. I found childcare. I told everyone how pumped up I was. I was supposed to start two days ago, but I didn’t get to. On Monday of last week, I received a call from my future (or not) boss that the job wasn’t going to materialize. There was no job. Nowhere to wear my new clothes, or do the things I felt like God wanted me to do at the place He wanted me to be.

I was sick. I cried for days. How could this happen? Why? What did I do, except pray and ask God to put me exactly in the right place? How was I going to help provide for my family? How were we going to pay for the kids’ school? (Public school is not an option in our town.) I felt like a failure. I felt like I’d been stolen from. I felt like I’d misunderstood God, which caused me to question whether or not I knew how to listen to Him in the first place.

I didn’t question Him, though. I got a little frustrated, but his sovereignty over the situation was never an issue. He was not surprised by this, even though I was blindsided. He showed me so much love in the following days, even though I felt rejected. He answered other prayers that I had prayed diligently, even if this one was answered in a way I didn’t understand. No, I never questioned Him. But if I had, He’d have proved himself worthy of my trust, and faithful to the end.

I know this is not new information to believers. This is not a new subject on my blog. But it’s real to me today. God sticks by us. He shows up and holds us close. I’m still uncertain about our future. We still have a house for sale. It’s been for sale almost three years. There are some changes we really want to see in our life, and we’re still waiting for them. We don’t have it all together. But living in complete trust every single day accomplishes one purpose. We know, probably more than ever before, that we can’t manipulate our own lives to our glory, because we have no glory on our own. Everything that happens in life is for a reason, and that reason is spiritual. God is in every single event and circumstance, even when He can’t be seen in the moment. One thing I’ve learned from the past year and a half of grieving my grandparents is that this life is not our reality. This life is a vapor. Our reality begins when we begin our eternity. That’s why our choice to know and follow Christ is so much more than deciding to go to heaven or hell. When we choose him, we begin to practice for our real life. When we reach our eternal home we will be ready and the reality of our life will be even more beautiful, because of our trust in Him through a life that is just a blink in time. Our worship will be truer, our hope will be even more fulfilled, our knowledge of Him will be even more real because we held onto Him through the times that we couldn’t see Him at all.

It feels good to find my words again. I’m glad to know the heat hasn’t fried what little bit of written expression skills I have. Just to finish the story about the job, I’m going to continue to stay home. My youngest and I have had very little time with just us, and I’m going to trust God’s provision and be there for her. She deserves that. I’m hoping to get some small jobs that I can do from home to help out and we’ll go from there. Regardless, I’m thankful that He’s working in my life and walking with me each day.

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When All Else Fails…Make a List Changing Seasons

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Karen McGee  |  August 4, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Thanks Anne! Everything you write is so real and relevant! Reading your post today was my second devotional reading for the day! As for your job path, I don’t know what you were looking for, but you would be an aweome English or writing teacher!

    Reply

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