Maybe I Should Be a Deacon

October 24, 2011 at 2:16 am 3 comments

I’m not a girly girl.

I love being female. I love a lot of female things, like shopping, pedicures (I’ve had three in my whole life), Pride and Prejudice, and the color pink.

I struggle, however, with a lot of things identified with being female. For example, the Twilight series. Seriously? Vampires in love? It’s all just weird to me. Another thing that gets my goat is when a type of jewelry becomes trendy and “everyone” has to have it. Hand stamped necklaces? Trees of life? I can’t think of any others off the top of my head, simply because I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THE EVER CHANGING JEWELRY TRENDS.

But my biggest, and most personal issue with women deals with the church. Women’s ministry. It’s not my thing, and here’s why:

1. I feel really uncomfortable in big groups of women. I feel very un-cute. I feel like I’m supposed to be wearing my finest frock, and be cute and witty. I’m not. Small talk is not something I’m good at. I don’t like saying, “I’m fine, how are you?” forty-seven times, especially when I’m not fine. But I also don’t like saying, “Things are not good for us right now. We’re struggling with some stuff” and have someone give me a smile that doesn’t reach their eyes and say, “Oh, girl. I’ll be praying for you”, when I know they won’t. What their tone and body language tell me is that she’s thinking, “this girl has issues, I need to get over to those cute girls who are having much more fun.”

2. Most women speakers just talk about how to be a godly wife and mother. I’ve heard it all. But you know what? There’s more to me. I struggle with reading blogs and books written by Christian women and they all say the same thing: “I have all these dreams and callings, and now my days are filled with diapers, and God has changed my heart and I will glorify Him in the poop.” That’s very noble and all, but when I’m dealing with poop, I just don’t see the glory of God. Some might say I’m unspiritual when I say that. I do think God is glorified in our homes every day, and being a wife and mom is the highest calling, but at what point did God stop dealing with us personally and give us over to our husbands and kids and their desires? My understanding of submission is to respond to being loved “as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her”. It’s a response, not a relinquishment of all of our goals and dreams.

3. My life is messy. I have three kids that are creative and fun. We are on the tightest budget we’ve been on in years. Times are tough right now. The impression I get from women’s blogs is “have a beautiful home”, “make pretty clothes if you can’t afford them”, “entertain friends, make cute food, and don’t worry if your dishes came from Walmart”. Women take time to go paint pictures together, get their nails done together, meet at Starbucks or go shopping. Right now, in my life, I can’t do any of those. Our schedule and budget don’t allow it. But the “cool girls” in women’s ministry give the impression that you should find a way to make your home pretty with a can of spray paint and a glue gun, and have a party with friends and a DIY coffee bar while you do it! I have great friends, but none of us can do that right now. So where is the voice of the messy? Who speaks for those of us who have are trying to put thoughts together on a blog while two of our children are sword fighting right next to our head? I know nobody expects me to be perfect, but I do sense an expectation to be attractive, all the time. I’m not. My life is not. And I have a great life. It’s just not what the influencers in women’s ministry today would expect.

So what would women’s ministry look like to me? I don’t know! So I probably shouldn’t complain, should I? Some of the finest, most precious women I know are leaders in women’s ministry. The issue is mine, not theirs. No ministry, no matter how well done, will work perfectly. I just wish women actually ministered to one another, and went beyond the hair discussions. I would love to know that my not-new clothes and toys on the floor were okay. I don’t live in a gated neighborhood with covenants and a pool. I don’t drop my youngest child at mother’s day out and head to Starbucks. We live within our means, and that means I don’t participate in the “ministry opportunities” that involve writing a check to every cause. But I love my life. I’m deeply loved by my family, and they understand me and accept me. They minister to me, and offer me real relationships. I am loved by my friends. They make me laugh, and don’t ask more of me than I can give. They teach me to love those who aren’t exactly like me, and I’m honored to know them.

In a sense, as a woman, I am ministered to by my family and friends. Maybe I feel uncomfortable in groups of women because I don’t have a need to be ministered to by them. I hope that the women who DO have that need can find a group of women who will truly do just that.

Or we’ll just have to petition to become deacons and hang out with the guys.

(That wouldn’t go over well in my world.)


Entry filed under: Deep Thoughts, Self-evaluation, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Unbound Train  |  October 24, 2011 at 2:55 am

    I like this! I have always felt uncomfortable in women’s ministries too, I had a hard time with feeling like the other women were fake… Anyway, well said, I don’t have any answers for you but its good to know I’m not the only one! Have a great night!

  • 2. MeakinsSpeak  |  October 25, 2011 at 3:26 am

    Ahhh how real you are 🙂 Refreshing. Have to admit that I have felt the same way, then God led me into “Women Ministries” and out of that came my calling. I am most passionate about Women being true and deep friends. Something I don’t think we do well, and something we quite often mess up for generations. I want most for women to exchange our curses for blessings and insecurities for confidence. If we figure that out, than women ministries will stop being the club for the cutsie, the fake and surface. It will become a legion of warriors, fighting for the truth of Christ instead of fighting with each other… sounds like you would be a great ally!

    • 3. albritton5  |  October 25, 2011 at 3:44 am

      I’m humbled by your comment. Thank you so much. Your words are beautiful, and EXACTLY how I feel. I can’t wait to read your blog and know more about what God has called you to do!


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