Ups and Downs

November 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm Leave a comment

This week…okay, this MONTH…now that I think about it, this whole YEAR has kicked my hiney.

I can’t remember the last normal day I’ve had. Even if the events of my day are run-of-the-mill, life sneaks in and wops me upside the head.

Monday was Michael’s birthday, as evidenced in my last post. Man, I love that dude. I did not one thing for him. He understood, but I’m carrying some big time guilt over this.

You see, we had a lady call about our house. She can’t buy it, but wanted to rent. We’ve been against that for three years, but we’re at the place where we are beginning to consider other options. She wanted to see it yesterday (Wednesday). I spent Monday cleaning and grocery shopping and doing homework with the kids, and so on and so forth. I should’ve made a cake for my husband, but I was really busy. Tuesday, I skipped Bible study, and again worked all day on the house. Yesterday, I got everything in order, got dressed and was ready for her to show up.

She never did.

I missed several really important events waiting for someone that didn’t show up.

I finally left the house, drove to the school and got in the carpool line. As I was telling my friend about the events of the week, I realized that I left a candle burning at home.

I live a half hour away from the school. I was not planning to return home until after eight p.m.

I called the two people I know that live in my town and luckily one of them has a husband who can pop a lock with a credit card. The candle was extinguished and now I know who to point at if stuff comes up missing.

Oh, I kid. There’s nothing here to steal.

When I finally got in bed last night, mad about the wasted time, missed events, people that don’t show up, and mad at myself for leaving a candle burning…I started griping. And when I start griping, it’s quite dramatic.

Michael quietly listened to me, nodded appropriately, and said he was sorry it had been that kind of a day. But then he got up and left the room.

You know what I did? I used the first minutes of the day that we were together as my time to vent all personal aggravations. I stole OUR time and turned it into ME time. I threw negative words at him for half an hour.

I don’t blame him for leaving the room. I was sick of myself too.

He came back in the room a few minutes later, and I apologized. He understood. But then he asked me, not for the first time, to try to not let my circumstances dictate how I treat him or my family.

He is a godly, precious man.

And I’m a mess.

But you know what? Sometimes he’s a mess. And we balance each other out.

And it’s beautiful.

In a marriage, you have to ask hard things of each other at times. I’m glad he trusts me with his needs.

Yesterday, I was not on my A-game. But there was forgiveness and grace.

Today, the board was erased and we begin again…not letting our circumstances determine how we treat each other. Remembering that no matter what goes on around us, we love each other, need each other, depend on each other, respect each other and trust each other.

We don’t give up. Because we realize what we’ve been forgiven of by God, and in all of His perfect love and holiness, He continues to wipe the slate clean. He doesn’t let the circumstances of my life determine how much He loves me. Circumstances are temporal, passing, and unworthy of the attention I give them.

Marriage, while I’m on this earth, is the thing I can count on to be permanent. I can look past the circumstances and see Michael.

When I do that, I see Christ glorified in my most important earthly relationship.

Getting mad about a burning candle is no comparison.

 

 

 

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Grace 2011

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