Creator

My son loves to create. He spends every minute of his time at home building with Legos, making up a story to pretend, making music, building obstacle courses…anything that he can imagine, he can do. He loves a story, a plotline, an adventure. He will get a new Lego set and build the intended object, a spaceship, fire station, etc., but then tear it down a week later and use the pieces to create his own story. I’m watching him now take his brave little Lego dude and send him through an obstacle course that he built. I’m not sure the guy is going to come out alive, but I think that’s the point. Oh, and he’s making sound effects, which just adds to the drama and suspense.

I’m envious of his imagination. I had one at his age. I used to pretend nonstop. I was either in an orphanage and had to get out, or on a covered wagon heading west. Apparently the movie “Annie” and the Little House books made quite an impression.

My dad has started sculpting. He took a pottery class and is now making gnomes. They are delightful, whimsical and fun. My brother is a local artist who is becoming well-known for his worship art. They create beautiful things.

I’m struggling with this idea of creating. I’m not sure I am good at it. I feel like I should be, since it’s in the family and all. But a blank canvas, computer screen, music staff paper, or empty page is daunting to me. I look at those things and I feel like making something from nothing is next to impossible.

Creating, and being creative is something I know is part of my life, but I think it plays out differently for me. As I said, I’m a little freaked out by the blank and empty starting point. However, if I’m working with a speech that needs rewording, or a song that needs lyrics, or a letter that needs proofreading, I feel confident and empowered. So is a person who works with art that  is already created still an artist? I’d venture to say yes.

The creative process is not limited to creation. I think putting an outfit together is a chance to be creative. I know I couldn’t design the dress, but I am pretty good at putting together the accessories to make it look special and unique. I enjoy the process of “tweaking” the original. Now I just have to find a practical, useful way to make it work for me.

I am absolutely certain that all things happen for a reason, and that the whole reason we’re here to is to bring glory to our Creator. I lost that job because he can glorify himself through me another way. I was playing it safe with the job. I’d have enjoyed it, but it was a really safe move. I’m almost thirty-five years old. Safety first does not apply to me anymore. It’s time to believe that God can use me in his perfect, creative way and step out in faith.

The Creator can’t mess up his creation. Each persons’ life is a masterpiece. I can’t wait to see what mine looks like when it’s done. I hope it’s full of color and light and joy.

Every minute of the journey is beautiful.

Changing Seasons

I couldn’t sleep last night. At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, my soul was hurting. I have so much in my heart and on my mind, I couldn’t  settle. I prayed and prayed and prayed. That helped, and I think eventually my heavenly Father was gracious enough to put his hand on me and gently ease me into rest.

I can just think myself into a tizzy sometimes. Do y’all do that? I have a really good memory, and can remember everything I hear and say throughout the days and weeks. It’s a blessing sometimes, and other times, not so much. That means I replay every conversation I have had that day when I go to bed, and pick myself apart and find all the things I should’ve said differently. Then I spend the next day trying to make sure that everyone still loves me.

It’s exhausting. And it’s an area that I haven’t given fully over to Jesus to change, because I still do it.

This morning, I read Nehemiah, chapter nine. It’s all about God’s unconditional love and complete faithfulness to the Israelites, despite their constant turning from him. Right now, I’m very aware that his mercies are truly brand-spanking new every morning. Praise you, Father, for that gift.

Paisley and I are loving our time at home. It’s different than it ever has been, because she’s four, and can do almost everything herself. She’s more of a helper to me than someone I have to care for, and I find myself with actual TIME to accomplish things. It’s weird, to be able to get my housework done and still have time to read or write. While this season of life came upon me unexpectedly, I’m very aware that it’s a gift from God. I thought I’d be working, and the money would certainly help. But instead I was given time, which is just as valuable of a commodity.

My goal is to learn to make the absolute best use of the time He has given me. That means getting my chores done, but also finding time to play and love on my littlest blessing. I say “littlest” strictly based on her size, not the amount of blessing she brings! And right now, the littlest blessing is watching Cinderella for the eighteen-thousandth time, and I want to enjoy it with her.

May His mercies be new to you this morning, as well.

With the Thoughts I’d Be Thinkin’, I Could Be Another Lincoln…

…If I only had a brain.
I’m singing the Scarecrow’s song from “The Wizard of Oz” because it’s almost 9:00pm and still ninety-five degrees.

I took the summer off from the blog. I didn’t mean to. I actually wrote quite a few posts, but I’ve become increasingly aware of how public the internet is, and I wasn’t sure I wanted my thoughts “out there”. I don’t want my blog to be private though, because I’ve actually had some cool opportunities come from this tiny slice of the internet. So I heavily censored myself and by the first of July, I realized that I just wasn’t going to post. Then I relaxed and enjoyed the rest of our summer vacation.

So here I am, one week before school starts, trying to sort through all of the things I’ve wanted to write about. One of my favorite bloggers, Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like, stresses the importance of blogging every day and having something to say. That sounds great, in a perfect world. But he gets paid to write and blog, and he’s funny. I don’t have either of those going for me. But I do have a lot to write about, and I think it’s time to do it. I’m telling myself now to get on with it.

Last week was one of the strangest weeks of my life. Here’s the background: I have mentioned that I was looking for a job. I found a great one. This job was so custom-made for me, I was one hundred percent positive it was from God. I bought “office” clothes. I found childcare. I told everyone how pumped up I was. I was supposed to start two days ago, but I didn’t get to. On Monday of last week, I received a call from my future (or not) boss that the job wasn’t going to materialize. There was no job. Nowhere to wear my new clothes, or do the things I felt like God wanted me to do at the place He wanted me to be.

I was sick. I cried for days. How could this happen? Why? What did I do, except pray and ask God to put me exactly in the right place? How was I going to help provide for my family? How were we going to pay for the kids’ school? (Public school is not an option in our town.) I felt like a failure. I felt like I’d been stolen from. I felt like I’d misunderstood God, which caused me to question whether or not I knew how to listen to Him in the first place.

I didn’t question Him, though. I got a little frustrated, but his sovereignty over the situation was never an issue. He was not surprised by this, even though I was blindsided. He showed me so much love in the following days, even though I felt rejected. He answered other prayers that I had prayed diligently, even if this one was answered in a way I didn’t understand. No, I never questioned Him. But if I had, He’d have proved himself worthy of my trust, and faithful to the end.

I know this is not new information to believers. This is not a new subject on my blog. But it’s real to me today. God sticks by us. He shows up and holds us close. I’m still uncertain about our future. We still have a house for sale. It’s been for sale almost three years. There are some changes we really want to see in our life, and we’re still waiting for them. We don’t have it all together. But living in complete trust every single day accomplishes one purpose. We know, probably more than ever before, that we can’t manipulate our own lives to our glory, because we have no glory on our own. Everything that happens in life is for a reason, and that reason is spiritual. God is in every single event and circumstance, even when He can’t be seen in the moment. One thing I’ve learned from the past year and a half of grieving my grandparents is that this life is not our reality. This life is a vapor. Our reality begins when we begin our eternity. That’s why our choice to know and follow Christ is so much more than deciding to go to heaven or hell. When we choose him, we begin to practice for our real life. When we reach our eternal home we will be ready and the reality of our life will be even more beautiful, because of our trust in Him through a life that is just a blink in time. Our worship will be truer, our hope will be even more fulfilled, our knowledge of Him will be even more real because we held onto Him through the times that we couldn’t see Him at all.

It feels good to find my words again. I’m glad to know the heat hasn’t fried what little bit of written expression skills I have. Just to finish the story about the job, I’m going to continue to stay home. My youngest and I have had very little time with just us, and I’m going to trust God’s provision and be there for her. She deserves that. I’m hoping to get some small jobs that I can do from home to help out and we’ll go from there. Regardless, I’m thankful that He’s working in my life and walking with me each day.