Stick In The Mud

Today was a bad day.

I mean, a cry over a big piece of cake and a glass of milk kind of bad day. (Although that sounds like a good day…whatever.)

Anyway, in the midst of the prayer and concern that is a constant for my grandmother, and now my sweet nephew Jack, Paisley got sick. I knew it was the flu, so I took her in to see the pediatrician. Of course, because we homeschool, I had to take all three kids because I have no drop-off options during the day.

The threats to hang them by their toes and pull their eyelashes out if they talked while the doctor was talking worked pretty well.

As we were sitting in the waiting room, my phone rang. Now, I don’t just have a regular ringtone. My tone is Paisley, singing “Jesus Loves Me” at the TOP of her two year old lungs. I think it’s hilarious. People around me apparently do not.

It was my realtor, and any call from her is welcome, day or night. She informed me that someone was coming to see my house in two and a half hours.  I was in Madison, 20 minutes away, waiting to see the doctor. My husband was out of town. Our house was not a pigsty, but it was what I like to call “Dad’s gone, and Mom’s hanging in there” state.

The visit went quickly, Paiz has the swine flu. We’re stocked with Motrin, all is going to be well.

I raced home and pulled into the driveway. We got out of the van and I told the kids, “Do NOT ask me for anything. Your Nonna (my sweet mama) is coming to get you so I can get this house clean in a hurry. Sit in front of the TV and do NOT move until she gets here!”

Aidan looked at me with that skinny face, his big dark eyes amazed. “Mama?” he said. “You’ve NEVER said that to us before!”

“What?” I asked.

“You’ve never told us to go sit in front of the TV. That’s so cool!” He was most impressed.

In the midst of the craziness of today, I think I reached hero status with my little boy. And on a day like this, I’ll take it.

I Have No Idea Why I Care.

I’m watching the baseball playoffs tonight. There is nothing else on, and I figure that if I watch it, I can talk to Michael about it tomorrow. Even though Michael is asleep in the chair. So actually, I’ve got the advantage.

While watching this game, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in the players choice of pants style. The pitcher for the Yankees was wearing these odd pants with flappy sides. They looked like grey Hammer pants, if there ever could be such a thing. It’s frightful, honestly.

Another thing…and I know this is superficial and lame on my part…the players all seem really large and unattractive to me. Maybe I’m crazy, but when I was in high school and college, baseball players were the best looking of all the athletes. I mean, I married one, didn’t I?

Kidding.

But these pro guys look like they just climbed out of the La-Z-Boy and headed out to the field. Now, I’m very much aware that they are highly skilled athletes with years and years of training. I know that I’m completely talking nonsense and have no idea what is really going on. But if you can’t talk nonsense on the internet, then where else can you?

Not that anybody is reading this, anyway.

But if we’re going to talk about outward appearance and fashion, I must show you the boots I bought the girls today.

They are pretty spectacular, I must say. And they are from WALMART. And…they are TEN bucks. Paisley got the red pair, and Molly got hot pink, which is no surprise.

While we’re on the subject (which is my favorite subject anyway), this is my new favorite sweater:

This is not me in the picture, just to clarify. (I crack myself up.)

Seriously, this sweater is cotton and cashmere, and is loose, but still cute and cozy and right now it’s on sale at the Gap.

I know, I just made your day.

Then there is this sweater:

I bought the scoop neck version of this at Eddie Bauer in Memphis a few weekends ago. It’s also cozy and comfy, while maintaining some level of cuteness. And it really looks good with a scarf.

I’m sharing all of this with you because I will be wearing one of these two sweaters almost every time I step out in public this winter. I just want you to be aware that I got them on sale and they are even more comfortable than Michael’s 13 year old Bulldogs sweatshirt.

I really need to revamp my shoe wardrobe. It’s hard to let go of the flip flops. I just about can wear my brown Justin boots with everything, and what they don’t go with, my bronze ballet flats will do fine. But eventually, I will need a change. It’s just who I am.

I should probably wake up my husband and usher him off to bed. I’m sure sleeping in a chair with the lights on is not comfortable.

But my sweaters are, and that’s what counts.

I Have a Vision…

Oops, let me change that to “I HAVE VISION.”

Because I have not had a vision, and as of yesterday, I can see across the room unassisted.

Lasik is a beautiful, beautiful thing, my friends.

You want to hear about it? I’m gonna tell you.

My doctor, Dr. Smith, is the greatest guy. He’s related to me, so that gives him some points to start with, but he’s pretty cool on his own. When I was a kid, I LOVED for him to come babysit us. He’s really awesome.

So I got up yesterday and was allowed to eat! What surgery allows you to eat beforehand? Anyway, we got to the surgical center and I was plenty nervous. They called me back and took blood pressure and temperature and got my information.

Then the nurse drew two really attractive purple dots above each eye. Stunning.

And because I wasn’t QUITE cute enough, she painted yellow solution all around my eyes. You have never seen anything so gorgeous. I have pictures, yes I do, but I also have pride.

Then I took the valium they handed me. Oh, wonderful, precious valium. It was nice to have you in my life.

Then my doc came and got me, and we went into the room with the big laser machine. I laid down in the chair, and they made sure I was completely comfortable. I took my shoes off, they gave me a stuffed frog to squeeze and we got down to business. I never dreamed I would find so much comfort from a stuffed frog.

The engineer who works the Lasik machine was super nice. He made sure I was relaxed, and made me practice talking without moving my head. THIS WAS A FEAT OF GREAT SKILL AND MAGNITUDE, MY FRIENDS.

They taped my eyelashes down (a little freaky), then propped open my eyelids (very freaky). They told me it would go dark, and it did. Then I could see the orange blinking light. I focused on the light and took deep breaths. I tried to recall any scripture I had in my mental files, but all I could think of was “What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee. Psalm 56:3”. Thank you, Bible Drill.

There was a vibration, that was the only thing I could feel. Then the laser did its job. Then they irrigated it, and I could feel the wet. After that, it was just light. I focused on the light, and relaxed. I could feel nothing, but was very aware when they put my iris back in place (I KNOW!) and then smoothed my cornea over. It was cool to see the doc using this little brush thing to smooth out my eyeball. Then they moved over and did the other eye.

When it was over (10 minutes total), I sat up and could read the digital clock on the wall.

I received my eyedrops and instructions (no eye makeup for 10 days! WHAT?!) and we headed home. Total time was maybe an hour and a half. By the time we left, I felt really woozy, the valium was doing its thing. Michael and I were both hungry, so we headed to Sweet Peppers, at noon, with everyone else in the world. I had no makeup on, these really cool Stevie Wonder looking glasses, and could barely walk straight. We walked in, and Michael saw one of our friends who had a good laugh at my expense. Lunch was good, but I almost fell asleep in my crawfish bisque.

I put my sleeping goggles (I’m so cool) on when we got to my parents’ house and was asleep before I laid down. Exactly 2 hours later, I woke up, startled. I realized where I was and what I had done. I threw off the goggles and looked around. I could see pictures on the wall. I could read book titles on the shelf. The adrenaline rush I had at this moment was huge.

I was still a bit loopy for the day, but as the day went on, it got better and better. This morning was incredible. I could see the small print on billboards on the interstate. I went by my doc’s office and he did a quick check: 20/20 and moving toward 20/15.

It was an amazing experience. I’m so thankful to have had the chance to do it.

I’m going to put my goggles on and go to bed. You know how Snoopy looks when he becomes The Red Baron? Yep. That’s me.

Long Time, No See

I realized this week that I’ve been excessively verbose in my blogging these days. That’s not intentional. I write funny, funny stuff in my head, complete with witty pictures and videos, but they never come to fruition.

I spend so much time talking each day that I use up my words by nighttime. I never thought I’d see the day that would happen.

So this week…I don’t know that I can do it justice…

We now are pet owners. This goes against every fiber of my being. We don’t want a pet. I don’t want an animal to care for every day. But here we are. Meet Charlie:

Michael was away this week, and on Tuesday, the kids and I went to Bible Study. I came home, and there was this little kitten in my carport. I don’t like cats as a general rule, but this little girl got to me. She was clearly hungry, and I assume someone just put her out by the field close to my house. I don’t know what to do with animals, but I knew not to feed it because I didn’t want to keep it.

But I fed it anyway. She was so tiny and boney, it broke my heart. I don’t know what it is about creatures that are helpless, but I just could not let it go hungry. We talked a long time about whether it was a boy or girl, and Aidan said, “I know how to find out! We’ll take it upstairs, and if it goes in Molly’s room, it’s a girl! If it goes in my room, it’s a boy!”

She’s not allowed in the house, so we are playing with her outside. She found a cozy spot in the bushes where she likes to sleep. Michael came home and has toted her around like a baby. We have to take her to get shots and fixed and all that, but it looks like she’s going to be our mousetrap this winter.

Molly started playing soccer this season, and Saturday was her first game. She did really well. She turned the ball around probably five times. She hustled and ran and had a lot of fun!

Her team could not decide on a name, so every week, Michael lets a different girl pick the name. This week, they were the Butterflies. I’m sure the parents will be highly confused by the time the season ends.

Notice in the picture I’m wearing my glasses. I’ve had to wear them every day for several weeks now. My eyes started acting weird and my contacts were very uncomfortable. After a couple of visits to my eye doctor (who just so happens to be family) we have decided to take the Lasik plunge. I am so excited. I’m scheduled for October 16.

Also, just in case you’ve hung in there through my last long and winding posts, we have no news on the house yet. The lady who looked at it is still a possibility, but she hasn’t made a move yet. It’s been nine months. I’m exhausted with the whole situation.

Homeschooling is going fine. I don’t have much to say about it. It’s school. We’re at home. There you go.

My kids have taken a great interest in the Bible. I’ve been reading the story of Joseph to them, straight from the NIV. I change a word or two here or there so they’ll understand. I stop and commentate it for them so they can keep the facts straight, but it’s been a great experience to see them getting into the Word. Aidan was appalled that Joseph was put in prison for no reason. He must have inherited my sense of justice. Molly thinks it is gross that Potiphar’s wife wanted Joseph to be her boyfriend. But they both thought the hanging of the baker was pretty cool.

Who needs cable?

Now that I’ve sufficiently caught you up on our craziness…here is what happens when Aidan and Paisley confiscate my camera at a soccer game:

He was so proud of his “diagonal pictures”. I could show you tons, but you would feel a little discombobulated when you were finished.

Just like I do, after writing this post. Have a great week, everyone.